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OLDER THAN THE UNIVERSE ITSELF 

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• YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL •

HOW TRANSMISSIONS ARE MONITORED AND RECEIVED 

 

All transmissions are monitored and received through intercept bureaus in various quadrants situated in outposts mapped in beltways within the Heinz Pagels Intergalactic Cybersphere (HPIC). They are provided as a public service by Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service.  YU News continues to offer the most reliable source of news and information from all regions of outer space as soon as it becomes available.

 IMPORTANT NOTE: At a rate of twelve million miles a minute, news travels especially fast in outer space but reaches its maximum end point quantified in measured light years. As a result, differences in relative time zones, dark sectors, and interstellar transitions become critical factors in maintaining strict compliance with standard practices and procedures of the Universal Code of Extraction (Chap. 22, Sec. 51). All transmissions are in direct proportion to the relative speed and curvature of sequential space in translation. News from outer space is unrestricted and always declassified.        

COMMON CELESTIAL TIME/SPACE LEGEND

• Standard Universal Time Zone (SUT)
• Coord Interstellar Time Zone (ITC)
• Ordinary Planet Time Zone (PTO)  

• Vigo Aragorn Time Zone (VAT)
 Shikasta Rohanda Time Zone (SRT)
• Roscoe Karns Time Zone (RKT) 

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YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL

 

RECEIVED: Valgot 17, 3051 [SUT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 4568223310-11A

MONITORING: Osuth 41, 2775 [VAT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 8490330319-29C

MONITORING: Tunkfer 3, 5005 [ITC]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 2229984001-40V

MONITORINGSugnor 11, 2909 [PTO]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 5573026311-88M

MONITORINGEvaner 3, 2551 [RKT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 8864893510-90F

MONITORINGCanzery 3, 8237 [SUT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 7763522429-66L

MONITORINGRarchon 3, 6009 [SRT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 0056674884-30Y

MONITORINGLago 3, 4211 [PTO]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 4455337783-47P

MONITORINGCher 3, 3986 [RKT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 7070983765-28U

MONITORINGImela 3, 3001 [VAT]

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 1029384756-19A

Anchor 2
REPRESENTATION
PILTCHARD & WREN LITERARY AGENCY
 
      San Francisco          Portland                Los Angeles          Palermo

Frank Piltchard

Senior Agent

yunewsservice(at)gmail(dot)com

Richard Wren

Senior Agent

yunewsservice(at)gmail(dot)com

Paula Duckett

Agent

yunewsservice(at)gmail(dot)com

Olympia Luciana

Agent

yunewsservice(at)gmail(dot)com

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"All the News That's Fit to Prong."

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service is represented by the parody law firm of Plisskin, Deckard & Kiddo LLP.

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