OLDER THAN THE UNIVERSE ITSELF 

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  •YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL • YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL • YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL • YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL • YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL • YU NEWS DISPATCH CENTRAL •  

IMPORTANT 

Transmissions monitored, received and recorded through intercept bureaus in various quadrants situated in outposts mapped in beltways within the Heinz Pagels Intergalactic Cybersphere (HPIC) are provided as a public service by Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service which continues to offer the most reliable source of news and information from all regions of outer space when available.  NOTE: At a rate of twelve million miles a minute, news in outer space travels fast, yet reaches its maximum end point quantified in measured light years. Differences in relative time zones, dark sectors, and interstellar transitions are critical factors in strict compliance with standard practices and procedures of the Universal Code of Dissent (Chap. 22, Sec. 51), and in direct proportion to the relative speed and curvature of sequential space in translation. All news from outer space is unrestricted and declassified.        

 COMMON CELESTIAL TIME/SPACE LEGEND

 Standard Universal Time (SUT) • Coordinated Interstellar Time (ITC) • Ordinary Planet Time (PTO)  

Vigo Aragorn Time (VAT)  Shikasta/Rohanda Time (SRT) • Roscoe Karns Time (RKT) 

News from Outer Space

newsfromouterspace.com

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RECEIVED: September 27, 2018 PTO (Valgot 17, 3051 SUT)

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 4568223310-11A

KAVANAUGH CLAIMS HE NEVER HAD SEXUAL INTERCOURSE WITH ANYONE

Denies Knowing What a Penis Is and Maintains His Wife Is Lying

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RECEIVED: April 27, 2018 PTO (Tunkfer 3, 3051 SUT)

Yossarian Universal (YU) News Service

Dispatch 4568223310-10A

TRUMP ADMITS HE STAYED OVERNIGHT IN MOSQUE
Claims James Cagney Lied In "White Heat"